Keeping My Eyes on Jesus

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.” ~ Hebrews 12:1-4

I struggle with something called Relationship Addiction. I came to that “self-diagnosis”, if you will, by attending a program called Celebrate Recovery (Click on me to find out more) at my church. I am also a codependent but that is a subject for another post. I have been in recovery since August of 2011 and every day is a struggle to remember that Jesus is my husband and not the next guy I see in a public setting. Some days are better than others but I still will find myself looking at the left hand of every attractive man I meet. Thinking to myself, “Hmm, I wonder if he is married.”  

Last fall I took a sabbatical of sorts from dating and then half way through that year developed a crush on a guy that goes to my church. Let’s call him, Mr. MOG, (Mr. Man of God). He is involved in a lot of the same ministries as I am and I have never really paid that much attention to him until it was pointed out to me, by different friends and family that he seems to pay a lot of attention to me. Then I started to look back on the time that I have known him and the many conversations we have had over the years, and it hit me. He really does seem to pay attention to me…. And I remembered a few years back when I found out that Mr. MOG was dating someone, I didn’t like it….I felt….jealous. I was in a relationship with someone else at the time and I was still jealous of a girl that was dating a guy that I wasn’t interested in. Or so I thought. I think I was subconsciously interested in him because of his obvious heart for God, and the work that he does with the church. I realized that I was attracted to him in a Godly way… a first for me. Of course at this phase in my sabbatical I fought the feelings and ignored them. I didn’t want to admit that I kind of liked him too. I didn’t want to even think about it. I was taking a year off from dating. Not only that but the purpose of me taking that year off was to grow in my relationship with Jesus and not to find the next guy I want to date after the year was over.

Now as the time is ticking down to the end of the year of dating only Jesus, I find myself thinking about Mr. MOG …. A LOT! ….Even dreaming about him. I struggle with that because I know that the enemy can and will use my weakness against me. I just have to hold on to Jesus and keep my eyes on Him in order to with stand the temptations.
As a codependent I have a tendency to try to manipulate situations so that it works for my interests and I can feel better about myself and feel “in charge of my life”. I am often tempted to create opportunities for Mr. MOG and me to hang out and get to know each other better. I have even fallen into said temptation and tried to organize group events which always fall through. I know that is God’s doing, because if God does want us to get to know each other and eventually start dating, He will provide the opportunity. I don’t have to MAKE the opportunity, if it is supposed to happen God will open that door. The hard part is holding to that.

I read the scripture above this morning and it helped me to remember that all I need to do to avoid that temptation is to put down the sin that trips me up and keep my eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects my faith.

Jesus, thank you for your Living Word and thank you for using it to speak to me this morning and remind me that I can stay strong as long as I keep my focus on you. I ask for your help to stay strong in my walk with you. In Your Name I pray, AMEN!